My first couple years as a teacher, when my job made me want to cry it was because of behavior and classroom management issues. The next few years was because of my difficult principal and some insanely catty colleagues. This year, it's the job as a whole.
I'm sick of having to leave home at 6:30 in the morning, and it being a good day when I get to work in less than an hour. I'm sick of emailing my principal about 3 important issues and having her respond to one. Then when I chase her down, she tells me she's too busy to try to order the CDs I asked for in order to make HER happy about our upcoming show. I'm sick of having to document the behavior of the ADULTS who are supposed to support me in special ed because the principal's niece thinks she's running the show. I'm sick of being disrespected, despite the fact that no one's every observed me teach or given me any feedback, except what I received about my performance. I'm sick of everyone making it obvious that I should just concentrate on having a huge show instead of actually trying to teach a balanced music curriculum, at a charter school that prides itself on its reputation of really educating children better than the public schools. I'm sick of being so stressed out I can't sleep and my shoulder hurts all the time. I can't believe I just got recorders and percussion instruments and I have to cram in teaching those and preparing students for our show by June. What am I supposed to do?
The good things about my job: it forces me to live my life to the fullest when I'm home. I try to make every night feel like a weekend; I love my students; I'm learning to demand what I need from passive aggressive bosses--I'll never be such a push-over again as I was at my first job; now that I've planned year-long curriculum from almost no materials, I don't think I will ever have such a challenging job again.
There is no way I'll do this job again next year (I don't think they want me to, anyway), but I worry about what this means for the future. How do I explain to interviewers why I left? Do I even want to still be a music teacher? (when I'm sane, I know I do, but sometimes I just wish I could stay home). I plan to get my multiple subject credential, and I would like to go for Gordon certification, to improve my chances and abilities to have a better music teaching job. For now, though, I just keep thinking, like the kid in the David after Dentist video, "Is this real life?. . . .RRRAAAAAWR!"
3 Super Simple Systems for Stress- Free Music Teaching
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It doesn’t matter what area of music we’re teaching- instruments, theory,
curriculum or something new- there is a non-negotiable that is essential
and help...
3 years ago
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Wow, there are so many things here that remind me of my first job. By the time I left.... well it's difficult to say whether or not I was 'let go'. I was told to file a letter of resignation, or be dropped. I wasn't fully credentialed at the time, so there was no tenure to save me. Luckily, I was ready to leave.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I had so many bad experiences that I started to consider leaving music ed. My next job was for a school that re-energized me. That was twelve years ago, and I'm still working there now.
It's amazing what a change of environment will do for your morale.
Good luck!
It helps to hear I'm not the only one who's felt this way. I start to think that maybe I don't want to be a music teacher anymore, and then I remember that I love working with the students.
ReplyDeleteSleepless nights, stress turning into physical symptoms, self-doubt, dreading the alarm clock... sound familiar? Yeah, I've been there... more than once.
ReplyDeleteI hope you eventually find a school that will let you be the excellent teacher you are.