Mixed feelings

Well as relieved and excited as I am to have a new position, I'm surprised to say that I'm feeling uncomfortable and a little guilty to be leaving my current position in the middle of the school year.  I doubt that they will replace me (plus who would take a part-time teaching job for 3 months?) and I just started being able to teach recorders.  I don't think they'll be able to have an end-of-the-year concert, and I'll be gone before the Talent Show (though it was originally scheduled for sooner--they moved it without consulting me).

When I think about it, though, I don't think I should feel so bad.  My principal made it difficult to do my job at every turn, and the stress of it was really effecting me.  Plus it kind of seemed pointless to work so hard when they wouldn't have my subject next year, anyway.  I think I just need to keep reminding myself that they really started this process.

New beginning

Well today I received a job offer.  The new job would have the same amount of hours, and almost the same pay, but is much closer to where I live and is at a school with "Arts" in the name...so I'm hoping they'll be much more supportive of what I'm doing.  They have some more materials than I've been working with, but a set of keyboards and a curriculum for that...so I need to figure out what I'm doing.  Anyway, I'm hoping this'll be a much better situation for me.  Now I just need to write a letter of resignation!

It's their game; I can't win

So I think a big part of the problem I've had with my principal is a difference in priorities:  she wants me to put on spectacular shows to entertain the all-important community, and I want to educate the students.  And when some of the students are kindergartners, you can't exactly do both.  So when she "gave me the option" of putting on a talent show, I figured I'd better.

At first, things got better after I started putting the talent show together.  I even was finally mentioned once in that Friday bulletin with a list of accomplishments that I think all PLC-trained administrators think they have to send out every week.

My principal made it seem pretty easy:  just put together auditions, pick 10 groups, and have them perform for the school.  The students would do all their practicing on their own time.  It was more work than I though.  I didn't want to be the sole decider of talent, so I put together a committee.  We had meetings.  We made posters.  We designed a permission-slip, and I kept track of the dozens I received.  I found a rubric and helped design a scoring sheet so that we could be objective as possible.  And Thursday night, I stayed after school for hours to actually watch the auditions.

And my principal decided to hinder me once again.  She didn't want anyone to cry when they found out they hadn't made it.  So maybe we should just put on a 2-plus-hour show after school and include everyone:  the students who forgot their CDs and the lyrics to their songs; the 2nd-graders dancing to songs about 3-somes; the students whose costumes kept them from actually dancing; the kid who got on stage in his karate-outfit (whatever it's called) and asked, "what do I do now?"

I didn't even want to put this on.  I can't believe how much work the art teacher and I put into it (plus the rest of my committee members) and I can't even do this without interference.  Why did I even try?

How to teach music with a minimum of supplies

My first position bought a whole new set of textbooks and all the trappings my third year there.  So it was pretty uncomfortable when I got to my current position and had...nothing.  Ideally I would have a certification which would inform my curriculum (I really want to take the Gordon classes, but they all seem to be on the East Coast and we haven't had a lot of extra money lately).  I'm hoping to hear back from a new school which also has a bare minimum of materials.  So I'm going to share in this post what I've asked for and what I have, and hope that in the comments people can leave some suggestions.

My position right now I teach classes from K-5, plus a self-contained moderate-to-severe primary grades SPED class.  I started off the year with 0 supplies provided by the school.  I luckily had

• 30-some-year-old teacher's editions and CD sets meant for grades 4-6 which my previous position had discarded
• a set of 123 Favorite Kids songs CDs which I bought from Target in a panic the night before I started.  The singing is pretty cheesy on a lot of them, but in a pinch some of the songs have educational value
• 30 sets of chopsticks I bought at the Japanese market to use as rhythm sticks
• http://kodaly.hnu.edu/search.cfm is an amazing website which every general music education should use

I sent my principal an extensive list of what I would like to use.  What I received was:

• First Steps in Music: for Preschool and Beyond, which I use extensively with my K-2 and SPED classes and borrow from for parts of my 3rd grade lessons, as well.
• 150 American Folk Songs to Sing, Read, and Play, which has some good material.  I have to say I'm surprised by how many repeats they have (how many versions of "I have lost my closet key" does one music teacher need?!).  It is organized by tones used, which can be helpful.  It also has a game, in which the teacher holds a student over his/her lap in "spanking position" and sings a song with the words "horny cup" in it, which I think would get someone instantly fired!
• 150 Rounds for Singing and Teaching, which I have used a lot with my 3rd graders.

Finally, just last week, I received

• a recorder for almost every 4th and 5th grader I have.  They were one short in the order, and I guess I should have explained that usually the teacher needs one on which to demonstrate.
• 4 sets of Remo Sound Shapes, which all the kids are enthusiastic about playing!  Unfortunately I have no bag or cart in which to carry them, so I need to figure out a solution to that.
• a generic set of rhythm instruments we ordered from the school district.  They're kinda crappy, but usable.
• Get America Singing...Again! Volumes 1 and 2, plus CD 3 for Volume 2.

If you were teaching general music, on an extremely limited budget, what would be the first things you would buy?  Are there any other websites you would use as a resource?

Laid off!

Well, things are at least resolved, and I'm feeling much calmer.  The art/technology teacher I work with (we share an office and have become friends, bonding over our situation) asked our principal for a letter of reference, so she could apply for a full-time position.  The principal took that opportunity to schedule a meeting with her to "discuss next year".  The a/t teacher came back from the meeting and told me that we were both being laid off at the end of the year.  During the meeting, the principal had also cautioned her against applying for jobs in the same charter network, calling her "inflexible" (we found out last Monday that there's no school this Monday and neither of us made a big deal about how often this has happened!) and saying she complains too much (to me...we need to vent somehow) and that her emails are too abrasive.

Leaving aside the fact that she hadn't even attempted to schedule a meeting with me until hours after I knew I was being laid off (we finally talked after school) I think this is the best way things could have gone for me.  The way I was being treated, I was almost afraid of being fired.  Actually, it was a school decision to replace us with a full-time science teacher, but still counts as being laid off.  This way I don't have to work there next year, and I don't have to explain to future prospective jobs why I quit.  Plus I can potentially collect unemployment. So I'm feeling really bad for my friend, who has much fewer resources to fall back on, but much calmer myself.  How funny to be so relieved that I'm being laid off!

Is this real life?

My first couple years as a teacher, when my job made me want to cry it was because of behavior and classroom management issues.  The next few years was because of my difficult principal and some insanely catty colleagues.  This year, it's the job as a whole.

I'm sick of having to leave home at 6:30 in the morning, and it being a good day when I get to work in less than an hour.  I'm sick of emailing my principal about 3 important issues and having her respond to one.  Then when I chase her down, she tells me she's too busy to try to order the CDs I asked for in order to make HER happy about our upcoming show.  I'm sick of having to document the behavior of the ADULTS who are supposed to support me in special ed because the principal's niece thinks she's running the show.  I'm sick of being disrespected, despite the fact that no one's every observed me teach or given me any feedback, except what I received about my performance.  I'm sick of everyone making it obvious that I should just concentrate on having a huge show instead of actually trying to teach a balanced music curriculum, at a charter school that prides itself on its reputation of really educating children better than the public schools.  I'm sick of being so stressed out I can't sleep and my shoulder hurts all the time.  I can't believe I just got recorders and percussion instruments and I have to cram in teaching those and preparing students for our show by June.  What am I supposed to do?

The good things about my job:  it forces me to live my life to the fullest when I'm home. I try to make every night feel like a weekend; I love my students; I'm learning to demand what I need from passive aggressive bosses--I'll never be such a push-over again as I was at my first job; now that I've planned year-long curriculum from almost no materials, I don't think I will ever have such a challenging job again.

There is no way I'll do this job again next year (I don't think they want me to, anyway), but I worry about what this means for the future.  How do I explain to interviewers why I left?  Do I even want to still be a music teacher?  (when I'm sane, I know I do, but sometimes I just wish I could stay home).  I plan to get my multiple subject credential, and I would like to go for Gordon certification, to improve my chances and abilities to have a better music teaching job.  For now, though, I just keep thinking, like the kid in the David after Dentist video, "Is this real life?. . . .RRRAAAAAWR!"